editor's notes
written by Ken Carlson (Jan/Feb 08)
One recent morning, in the cold and dark, I got in my truck and left for work. Problem. There was a car parked in the street at the end of my driveway. So, I couldn’t go anywhere. For those of you city dwellers who have forgotten or never known the outside world, let me say that it can be incredibly annoying. In the way that New Yorkers are on a vigilant lookout for terrorists, country folk peek through the curtains from their kitchen windows watching the people we should truly fear, neighbors whose dogs crap on our lawn, whose kids run wild in the streets, and whose properties aren’t up to our standards. If you’re obnoxious in the city, nobody cares. There are millions of people there and plenty who yell at imaginary friends on the subway. But out there, one false move can have you branded for life as ‘leaf blower guy’ or ‘lady who never shovels her walk’.
I got out of my truck and inspected the offending auto. A blue Toyota with Joni Mitchell CD’s on the front seat and a bumper sticker that says, ‘Mean People Suck’. Enough said.
I went back to my truck to swear while I tried to figure out how to leave my own property. On the radio, I listened to NPR, because that’s how I role. They were playing their typical stories (e.g. sensitive sound bites of innocent people suffering at the hands of bastards running third world countries, sensitive sound bites of innocent people suffering at the hands of bastards running our country, folk singers, and recipes for mango chutney). After they gave the depressing weather report, cloudy and cold with a chance of dank, and another pledge drive (don’t you people have jobs?), they mentioned that Ridley Scott was releasing yet another edition of his film, Blade Runner. My initial reaction, in the poetic words of Bill the Cat, was ACCCCCCCK! TPHHHHT!
Blade Runner? Again? How many versions of this over hallowed movie do we have to regard in hushed tones? How much money do they expect us to invest in a film featuring Rutger Hauer? How many chances should artists get to do it right?
This is another reason to respect stand-up and live performances in general. Yes, there’s rehearsal. Yes, changes are made to material. But once the show becomes the show, that’s it. Aside from some taped specials where they ask the crowd’s indulgence to redo a bit for them (something I find annoying), a live performance is what it is. No take backs or mulligans.
That’s one reason I like Bill Burr’s Emotionally Unavailable CD. For one thing, Bill’s great and still not getting the due he deserves. He’s put two shows on the expanded version and leaves them alone, warts and all, to let the listener judge. From his original liner notes he offers an explanation.
“This is the second show, Saturday Night, at the Laugh House in Philadelphia. I left everything in. The laughs, the lulls, and the heckles. I didn’t feel like splicing 17 different shows together in an effort to produce some perfect set that never happened. Is this because I’m an artist? No, it’s because I’m lazy. Hope you like it.”
So, back in my truck, I noticed that another car had pulled off the curb, further up the street, allowing me to drive away. I had to drive my truck over my lawn to reach the street. As my lumbering vehicle approached the sidewalk, I noticed two senior citizens out for a predawn walk. They braced in fear before my headlights as some crazy man in a truck was bearing down on them in senseless rage. Now my neighbors know me as the maniac who tried to drive over them with a truck. Good! Maybe that’ll keep them from letting their dog crap on my lawn.
Ken Carlson is the editor of the comedians magazine.